If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
