I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
