This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
