I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
