I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
