is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
