Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
