apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
