Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
