so that wasnt chicken after all
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
