im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
