the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
