Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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