You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
