She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sorry about my life...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
