I could make wine with my vomit
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
