Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
