he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
