the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize