yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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