She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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