i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
