if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
