If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
