the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think my fart just growled at me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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