I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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