Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
