I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
