$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
