4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize