cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
