We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
