Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
