Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
