just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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