So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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