Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
