His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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