this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
