I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
