i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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