I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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