jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize