Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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