She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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