Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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