its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
