Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize