I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
