WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
