if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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