was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
