I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
