lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
