apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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