Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
even my farts smell like vagina
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
