I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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