I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
