Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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