I'm lost and stupid without you.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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