And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
