how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All the doctor said was why
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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