Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
