The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
