WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
