He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize