And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
where are my eyebrows?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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