one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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